Alone

Lonely
Father Andrew knew what he was talking about.
I found this lonely little dear along the river trail one day as I was taking time to talk with God.
It illuminated my current season of making new friends and letting go of old friends.  Accepting the new season the God has lead me into.
Loneliness is very hard to embrace.  Father Andrew knew that in the loneliness we find a gift: the ability to discover that we really are not alone but He is there with us.
In the lonely places the opportunity presents itself to discover that we are really connected at a deep level to the presence of God.
The trick here is always to embrace the lonely season instead of fill the lonely space with business, addiction, religion, work, etc.
In this new season of letting go and embracing new I find that He is inviting me to the lonely place where I am really not alone.  He is there.  Speaking, guiding, leading as He always does.
Pressing into lonely instead of running away is the key.
It takes intention.
It takes choosing.
It calls for an embrace of what is uncomfortable.

The rewards are amazing.  The reward is Him.
May you be full of grace to find Him in the lonely places.  May Brother Andrew's words become yours!

Surface

On Monday I discovered Castle Lake. 
The lake was really amazing early in the morning. Mist was rising off the water and the crisp fall air made everything feel more alert.
I decided to hike around the lake but discovered the trail only went half way around. Where it ended I tool this photo and sat for awhile.

Before leaving I noticed that just under the surface of the lake there was a whole tree!  You can barely see it in the photo.  It almost looked like someone threw the whole Christmas tree in the water.  There was no part of it above the surface of the Lake.

This tree below the surface reminds me of some emotions that lay just under the water.  They rest there on the bottom of my heart where no one can see but once in awhile I notice them sitting there underneath.

These are exactly the emotions that need my time and energy.  They need to be raised to the surface and inspected...vented so that He can have access to them.

Looking at the underwater tree I was reminded by Him that all my emotions matter to Him.

Last night I was at a church meeting.  It was a small group that was emotionally charged.  It was just one of those moments when needs are exposed and the church cares. One young man was sharing and explained how he was not feeling "anxious" when clearly, he was feeling anxious.  I thought it was amusing.  I wanted to tell him that it was okay to feel nervous.  He did not need to keep that under the surface.  
And just like that the Father reminded me that He longs to carry all my emotions (especially the underwater ones) with me.  In the revealing of them He leads, guides, comforts, and helps me find my way.

Bring them to the surface...find Him there listening, comforting, and loving you.

Delight

Lake Tahoe
Early morning.

A few weeks back I was able to get away for a three day retreat.  This is a usual practice for me...it is my rhythm of being a "seeker".
The amazing thing about this retreat was that I was given a room in a 5-star resort on Lake Tahoe.
GIVEN....

If you have never been to the lake, all I can tell you is that it is absolutely one of the most beautiful places I have seen. It is probably one of the most beautiful lakes on the planet.
Dwelling on the lake for three days of solitude was a true gift.  It was so comfortable to have my own room in a resort!
The weather was perfect.  Autumn in the mountains is crisp, colorful, fantastic. And guess what?  He even gave me freedom to eat and quit fasting!  I think you get the feel of where I am headed.
This retreat was incredible.  It was too good.

I am used to seeking God in seasons of hardship.  I have found Him is the desert, in the plains, in silence and in darkness.  It was hard to accept Him in delight.
In other seasons I always imagined that it would be easy to find Him in comfort and wonder.  I imagined being in "easy" seasons and I complained to Him about not getting an "easy" season!

Now, I get a wonderful retreat on an amazing lake and...I still complain.  Really, it took me two of the three days to accept His goodness.  I had to work through my resistance.  My journal was full of conversation about taking the risk to enjoy what was right in front of me.
I told Him that I am more comfortable in a cabin...or tent...or hammock.
I told Him I should fast because...well that is just what one does when one seeks!
I told Him the resort was awkward because it was so...soft.
I told Him I would hike to make it more...tough.
?

So many times we miss the joy that is right in front of us.  We are afraid.
Afraid the goodness will go away.  Afraid we will be disappointed. Afraid we don't deserve the joy or comfort.
I pushed Him back because I did not deserve this goodness.  He pressed in and reminded me that it was His choice to give this good gift and He wanted me to enjoy it.

Don't be the judge Jim.


Surrender is one of those things we just have to do.  It is required in every season.

What do you think?

Sunset

My friend Yvonne loves a good sunset photo.

Enough time with a friend and soon the things they love become the things you love!
I began taking photos of sunsets for Yvonne when I was making her a journal...I collected them.  The collection has not stopped.  I know, I know ...everyone collects sunset photos!

Here is the thing about sunsets for me: my friend Yvonne loves a beautiful sunset ...and she is blind.  With medically informed wisdom the doctors say she can't "legally" see.  She still has minimal sight in one eye..and with that eye, she loves to watch the sun set.
I often wonder what she sees...how her brain interprets the light and color.

This summer I had the intense privilege of watching the sun go down over the Teton Mountains with Yvonne.  We sat together in silence and enjoyed the experience together.

Despite the collected wisdom of the medical community Yvonne loves the beauty of the sunset.  She moves past judgement and beyond limitation and finds joy.  She presses beyond pain and loss and she finds the experience of beauty..anyway.  She steals my excuses.

Places of pain and loss can rob us of life.  We feel overwhelmed...we feel sad for ourselves (appropriately so), we get overwhelmed.   I tend to avoid the places of loss and shamefully at times I run to escape the hurt.
Yvonne's ritual observance of the sunset reminds me to hold fast.  Wait it out.  Patiently endure.  She proves that beauty can be found if you are courageous..if you dare.
May you find courage to behold the sunset today. Go to the places of pain and loss.  See what beauty you can find there.
Find a great sunset!

Cling

Both of these were taken on the trail coming down Castle Crags.  It was a day with the Father ...enjoying some silence and solitude.

I started noticing the trees that somehow cling to the mountains.  How they eek out existence on the rocky slopes is beyond me.  Where are their roots?  How do they get enough water?  What keeps them planted in the midst of the wild winter storms?

I thought...I should be like these trees. I should cling to God more.  I should hang in there tighter...be more dedicated...be more tenacious!

I should...

Then I heard the still small voice remind me: "It is I who hangs on to you."

So easy to get lost in "I should...".
Reality is that He holds fast no matter what I should do.  He holds fast when I have not held.
So maybe it is more accurate to think that the rock holds me?

Finding Beauty

So here is the story....
Living in Kansas City was amazing. 
However, I grew up amidst the wonder of the Sierra Nevada mountains.  I generally tell people that home is somewhere between Lake Tahoe and Yosemite.  Pretty amazing.
In Kansas City I was hungry for the mountains.  I complained to God all the time.  Tried to tell Him that it would be good to move the Rocky Mountains a little closer...etc.  He did not think that moving the mountains was a good idea.
One day when I was wrestling with Him over the lack of beauty in the Midwest, I sensed Him promise that if I would surrender, He would reveal beauty to me wherever I was.  WOW!
Really?
Yes.  The next retreat I took (thank you Jabez Retreat Center) He woke me up early every morning and I recorded all the beauty I saw with my camera.  
This sunrise was glorious, however the reality that He has created beauty EVERYWHERE and I get to participate in it...well that is even more wonderful!

Where have you seen His beauty?

Perspective

"Perspective"

I took this photo a few years back in the summer at Manzanita Lake.   Mt. Lassen is a favorite family place to be together and I just happened to catch this perspective of Lassen from behind the dead leaves.

When our little journey was over I looked through the photos and noticed this one.  I kept coming back to it and began to wonder why I was drawn to it?  I guess it is a perspective thing...

The dead leaves are not that impressive but they are in focus.  They are crisp and easy to see.  My eye can grab hold of them and really consider the texture, color and feel of them.  The snow clad mountain is what my eyes really want to see but in the photo I can't quite grasp the image of the snow, rocks and mystery of the mountain.

Unfortunately I find that in my world it is easy and quick to find focus on the dead things around me.  I see poverty and pain...I see death and destruction.  I see endings.  
Just behind the endings and the pain there is the mystery of beauty and wonder.  Hidden in the background just beyond my reach there is something wondrous and mighty.

I guess it is up to me to choose my focus.
What do you see?